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April 4, 2016

Families Come In All Shapes And Sizes

I grew up knowing that families come together in all different ways. Because I was adopted. It was never a secret, it was never something I remember sitting down and talking to my parents about.. It was just something I always knew. And the answer "we chose you" was good enough for me. My mom and dad were the best mom and dad ever. Because let's be honest when you're 5, you idolize your parents (no matter who they are). 

As I got older, I started to question things. I wanted to know where I came from. I felt like this part of me was missing. I could've been a completely different person, and I wanted to know who that person would've been. So I sought out my birth parents. I won't go into huge detail (because it's way too long of a story), but I had an amazing life. My birth mother did the most selfless thing a mother could do for her child. She placed me with a family who could give me everything she couldn't. And I couldn't be more thankful she did. 

When I got married and had my own children, that empty part of me disappeared and never came back. I had these three little loves who were a part of me, I created them. And they needed me. I was their Mommy and to them, that's the most important person in their world. And they were my world. Ultimately my marriage fell apart, but those three babies were still everything to me. And they always will be. Because a real mothers love for her children is unconditional, it's forever. 

Unless of course you're not meant to be a mother. There's this stigma on women that we HAVE to get married and have children. And if we don't, there's got to be something wrong with us. If a man chooses to be a bachelor, it's totally acceptable. But a woman who doesn't want to be a wife and mom? Well that's just not okay! Ridiculous. You know what's not okay, expecting a woman who doesn't want or need children to be a mother. A good mother.  

So that leads me to here. My life right now. When Chris came back into my life, he had two of the most amazing children I've ever met with him. They were broken and they needed me. And let's be real, I needed them too. I just had no idea how much. They may not have grown in my belly, but they grew in my heart and I love them with everything that I've got. And they love me too. It breaks my heart that the woman they thought would never hurt them did. But I can promise I will be the best Mommy to them, to all of my children. Because it's what I was born to do. 

My children see their father. Just because our marriage didn't work out, doesn't mean he's suddenly not their dad anymore. He's a good person, just not the person for me. And that's okay. 

But when he's not around, my kids have the best bonus dad ever. See it's okay for a child to love more than two parents. It takes a village right? Chris is absolutely the most amazing father I could ask for for our children. He's such a hands on dad, he has the patience of a saint (something I'm seriously lacking haha) and he loves me so much. Which is so important, showing your kids how much you love their mother will teach them how to love someone and how to have a healthy marriage. "Staying married for the kids" isn't good for anyone.. But that's a topic for another time.

So here it is. Our blended family. It's complicated and confusing. Sometimes it's chaos. And quite frankly it took a lot of work before we got to this point. But it's wonderful and it's ours. Chris and I have 5 of the most incredible children on the planet and soon we'll have 1 more little one to complete our family. To bring us all even closer together. 

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